Lots. (And lots and lots.) That’s the number of speakers I’ve coached to make asks at fundraising events the past 10+ years.

While I always knew the process was a terrifying one for most speakers (being stuck alone in a hotel room with a Bengal tiger would probably be less stressful), I never knew HOW MUCH. Until now.

That picture up there? That’s me.

I’m sharing my story (and a few minutes out from making the ask) at a recent event for a phenomenal, heart-fluttering and game-changing organization in my community.

Now, I might look poised and confident in that photo, but had you seen me a few days earlier, you would have been handing me Kleenex while I ugly cried all over your shoulder.

I always knew that making the ask is easy.

Telling your story leading up to that moment, however? ALL THE FEELS.

That’s where speakers get stuck. Even though I’ve experienced so many talented people become paralyzed while writing their remarks, I never (really) understood what was happening. Now I know.

If you want to help your speaker, it’s important for you to know the thought bubbles that are hovering above their head as they write and practice their story.

So in no particular order (because they’re all equally anxiety inducing), here’s what’s playing—on an endless repeat mode—in your speaker’s head:

1. I’m (OH SO) afraid I’m going to disappoint this organization.
2. My story is junk. It’s not worthy. I’m not worthy.
3. WHY OH WHY, DID I SAY “YES”?!? THIS IS GOING TO BE A DISASTER.

Whether or not you’ve ever coached someone to tell their story at your event, this is what’s happening for them.

Let me tell you how you can make your speaker feel less doubtful and more confident as they prepare their remarks.

In no particular order (because they’re all equally muy importante), here’s how you make your speaker feel loved, appreciated, and hopeful that their words will move hearts at your event.

• Send your speaker notes of encouragement. (Lots of ‘em.)
  This organization showered me with compliments and atta-girls daily. From texts to handwritten notes, I felt so valued and well supported. My favorite one-liner? “Speaking with you is like opening a bottle of rainbow!”

• Ask (don’t tell) your speaker when they will feel most comfortable sharing draft remarks.
  The fab fundraising team I was working with could have given me a deadline, but instead, they gave me their trust. So rather than feeling rushed, my story could unfold itself in its own time. And because of that, my words felt more authentic and real.

• Provide remarks that other speakers will be making at the event (especially if they proceed your speaker.)
  My remarks and ask were made stronger knowing what stories were being shared before my own. Being able to weave their words into my own strengthened my remarks and tied the ask (and giving hefty emotional weight) to other powerful stories that were shared that night.

Honestly, I could share even more ways to help your speaker, but I’ll save that for another time.

Because right now, all I want to do is wrap myself—and my heart—in the magic of that night. (And in case you’re wondering, the organization raised more than double their fundraising goal that night for foster care kiddos who are waiting and wishing for a family to adopt them and love ‘em for life.)